Salt & Pepper

Over the past year I've witness a small phenomena.  Men have been commenting on my hair.  Yes, weird I know, but let me explain.  The first incident came from one of my former college professors.  I had recently graduated and returned to school for a seminar with other economist nerds.  (It was wonderful, in case you were wondering!)   Afterwards, he mentioned that I looked "distinguished" referring directly to my hair.  I didn't take offense, in fact it, didn't bother me one iota.   A few months later, a man I volunteer with mentioned on my "bold move" followed by another who liked it so much he stopped me in the grocery store.   So, why no women? 

I've always done things my way, a trait I happily get from my father, and this is no exception.  It all started the summer before I entered graduate school. I knew I was going to have make a few changes in my life if I was going to survive.  "Balance" was going to be thrown out the window for the time being, and school would dominate my life.  Any extra time aside from studying was going to be devoted to family.

While the big things, like extra curricular activities, weekend trips and vacations were erased from the calendar, I knew the little things would have to go as well.   So, I made a decision that isn't popular in our culture, something that would save me time (and money)over the course of 18 months.    

Yep, I did the the unheard of in this society; the unthinkable.  Instead of trying to look ever youthful, to hold back the age clock as far as possible for as long as possible, I decided to go grey.

I won't digress into a diatribe about our culture or why we do the things we do as women, because frankly, I probably do several of them, but dying my hair was not going to be one of them.  I didn't have the time.

Now-a-days, post grad school,  I supposedly have more time (and thanks to a job, a little extra cash!) and I guess I could get the color out, again.   My hair stylist, and good friend, respects my decision, but I think she'd jump on the chance to mix up a bowl of dark brown or fold in a few foils.

But here is my little secret, over the past year as the old color was cut out little by little, the gray starting shining through, and although it may seem sacreligious to say.....I like my gray hair.  I mean I really, REALLY like my gray hair!   I've had dark hair my entire life, so when I see those shiny silvery streaks amidst the brown, they shimmer and sparkle in the light....and they seem, well, beautiful.  I know, I know.  I am suppose to see them as a sign of age, but I don't.  

As I began to process all of this, I found a verse in Proverbs that I took to heart:

Gray hair is a crown of glory;    it is gained by living a godly life.

My first thought was, "absolutely! crown of glory, baby!"  which doesn't at all say anything about my competitive nature - not one bit.   After a little time, the second line is what sunk into my soul....it is gained by living a godly life.   What does that mean??  I'm sure we could all out-church each other and give a very "sunday school" answer, but really, what does this mean?

At one appointment the same hair stylist, mentioned that you'll usually see a new crop of grey hair about 6 months after a stressful time.   If that is indeed the case, how is gray hair suppose to be a sign of living a godly life?  Is it a signal that you have made it through, that some new morsel of wisdom , or life expereince  gleaned? 

There have been some trials in my young 38 year life, enough for me anyway.  Having a new marriage that was on rocky shores instantly, facing years of infertility and battling disabling anxiety. Or what about being on medicaid and having to ask for help - that is a humility builder.   (I still remember when we received a letter from a public school in Chicago that our daughter qualified for a "Chrismtas present from Santa" - a charity for low income families.  It was precious and heart breaking at the same time.)  Being my resourceful self, many times I faced the challenges head on, but most of the time to no avail.  Eventually, I'd end up on my knees asking for guidance, comfort and a little relief. 

I haven't read the entire bible, but I do know that it doesn't say life will be easy.  It makes no promises for a life of ease.  On the contrary, it repeatedly talks of the trials of life.  yippee.    The good news? Life isn't too big, too hairy or too impossible.  God's seen it all, he's aware of it all, and can handle it ALL.  What he really wants is for us to ask him to be a part of it...to walk through it with us.    After all, isn't in the times of struggle that our character is shaped to be like his...and his character is pretty stinking amazing. 

Maybe that is why I really love my gray hair.... as hard my experiences were, I can name them, and they are mine (crown of glory, baby!).  For me, ultimately it is a reflection of character change, something of which I could use a little more of, so bring on the gray!

I wonder if as the pepper becomes more salt, will I continue to like it as much?  I'm not sure, but my gut tells me I will.  I've seen some pretty sassy ladies rock the gray (including my mother) and I don't think I am afraid to join their ranks.